I Didn't Drown This Time
The second day of our vacation in Barbados, I told my mother that I didn't want to leave an air conditioned house to go to the non-air conditioned outdoors. So of course, we had to take a ride to the beach. Sweat was running down my back like a waterfall (gross, I know) as I stepped out of the car and into the sun. It was incredibly bright and strong, and reminded me of that Madonna song that goes:"The sun would set so high, ring through my ears and sting my eyes..." I think if I had taken the neon green sunglasses I was wearing off, I'd probably be blinded its rays. The moment my foot hit the ground, I could feel it sinking into the burning hot sand. The sand felt like fire under my feet and the fact that I had on an old, frayed, and worn-out pair of Keds didn't help. The soles were so thin that I might as well have been walking barefoot. Despite the numerous amount of trees in the sand, there wasn't any shade. The sound of birds chirping and waves surrounded me as I walked tentatively to water, trying to avoid stepping on a hermit crab or a twig. As I got closer to the sea, I noticed how vast and colorful it was. Almost like one of those paint swatches that goes from light to dark. The water was light blue color at the shore and became an almost purple color where it met the sky. I finally kicked off my ratty Keds (not caring if they were misplaced by a large wave or stolen by someone or eaten by a seagull) and waded into the water. The cool feel of it soothed my ailing feet, which had turned redder than a tomato. Tiny fish swam around my ankles while I wiggled my toes on the sea's floor.
The dominant impression given by your descriptive essay is most likely discomfort or irritation. One example of how you carried out your dominant impression was your use of diction, especially in the words you used as well as the descriptive phrases. For example, near the beginning, you wrote "Sweat was running down my back like a waterfall." Not only was this much better than simply saying that you were sweaty, but it also helped me understand how hot it really was. Another example of your use of diction would be when you wrote "I'd probably be blinded its rays." Similar to the first example, it helped me visualize the scene you were depicting as well as put me in your shoes to better imagine the scene, further contributing to your dominant impression. Great job! :)
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